Grief & Living With A Chronic Illness in San Francisco, CA
Coping & Living With A Chronic Illness
You have received a diagnosis – not a terminal diagnosis like end-stage liver failure and not an acute diagnosis like a broken arm either – a chronic illness.
What does that even mean? What is a chronic illness? It means having to deal with some type of illness, for the rest of your life. Common chronic illnesses could include multiple sclerosis, arthritis, asthma, inflammatory bowel disease, cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, kidney failure, or HIV/Aids.
Living with a chronic illness means having to figure out who you really are in the absence of your career, hobbies, or relationships that are likely to change if they haven’t already.
It’s grieving the loss of the security that we had when we lived in healthy bodies. Grieving the loss of the previous life, before the diagnosis, and all of the hopes and dreams we had at that time.
Grieving what was, what could have, or should have been a universal experience for people dealing and living with a chronic illness. My favorite way to break down that type of grief is by looking at the 5 Stages of Grief.
The 5 Stages of Grief (& pre-death!) When Living With A Chronic Illness
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (and then David Kessler) initially came out with the 5 stages of grief many years ago. But there were a lot of things that were taken out of context, and it became thought that the 5 stages of grief were for “after death”. When in fact, the 5 stages of grief are for people that are grieving before the death – whether it’s yours or someone else’s.
The 5 Stages of Grief are not linear, it’s not something that when you finish step one, you’ll go to step two or that once you’ve completed all steps, you’ll never experience them again. At Bay Area Therapy for Wellness, we have seen that it is more fluid than that. Everyone will experience them differently, at different times and in different orders, typically more than once.
The 5 Stages of Grief and living with a chronic illness go hand in hand, and you’ll likely find some of them to be familiar to you.
Denial
Your initial symptoms may have had you in denial, thinking this will pass soon, why wouldn’t it? Many people go through years of self-advocating, testing, and even being told “nothing” is wrong with them before they finally get a diagnosis. When the diagnosis came, you may have even been in disbelief when a doctor finally gave you a formal diagnosis.
Anger
Anger for not finding it out sooner. Anger that it’s happening to you. Anger at the changes to come and shattering of hopes, dreams, and plans for the future.
Depression
Sadness, loneliness, changes in sleeping or eating, lack of motivation, wanting to stay in bed all day, and avoiding the world and the diagnosis. These are normal depression symptoms that I see people experience as a grief counselor in the bay area. They might even be brought on by the physical symptoms you’re experiencing.
Bargaining / Negotiations
If I quit drinking, if I take the supplements, if I go for walks every day, if I attend church, if I work harder, if I… If I… If I… - Negotiating with a higher power, the universe, the doctors, anyone and everyone to reduce symptoms, to make the diagnosis go away, it’s all part of the process we work through in grief counseling for chronic medical conditions.
Acceptance
Acceptance isn’t rolling over and dying but rather figuring out alternative ways to live with a chronic illness. Maybe you can’t wear high heels anymore, but you can wear super cute flats. It might be that you can’t open jars with your hands anymore but you can find a gripping tool to help open jars. On the other hand, there might come a time when you will not be able to safely walk on your own but you can find a walker. Decorate it to your style and affix a cute basket in front so you can easily move things around with you. Finding alternative ways to continue to live and focusing on what brings you joy is a huge part of acceptance! If you are struggling to find alternatives that is okay. One of the things I do as an online therapist in California is to help those living with a chronic illness find alternatives that bring them joy.
Research shows that coming to terms with living with a chronic illness can reduce the severity of both physical and emotional pain.
There is Hope When You Are Living With A Chronic Illness
If you’re going through the stages of grief for your chronic illness, feeling stuck and unable to find your way to acceptance – let’s connect and help you process this complicated grief and physical symptoms that you’re feeling. I know we can help reduce your suffering and find ways for you to live life meaningfully again.
Ready to Start Grief Counseling While Living With A Chronic Illness in San Francisco, CA?
At Bay Area Therapy for Wellness, I offer therapy for chronic illness and grief counseling. I can guide you through the 5 stages of grief that arise from living with a chronic illness in San Francisco, CA. There is hope! One of the things I do as an online therapist in California is to help people find find joy and hope again. In order to get started follow these steps:
Start meeting with me as your grief counselor.
Find your hope, joy, and happiness again!
Other Counseling Services We Offer in San Francisco, CA
As an online therapist in California, I offer several other counseling services along with grief counseling and therapy for chronic illness. At my San Francisco bay area-based practice I also offer anxiety treatment and depression treatment. As well as caregiver support and family therapy.
